Game 135: Cardinals at Pirates

We all know this story. Down-on-their-luck small-market team cannot afford to keep its talent. For meager compensation, they trade away their best players to perennial contenders. The poor get poorer, and the rich get richer. The losers keep on losing, and the winners keep on winning. It's a cruel world.

Welcome, Justin Morneau.

The beatings continue with Lynn and Burnett at seven.

Game 134: Cardinals at Pirates

More World Series preview at seven. Miller and Liriano to deal.

Game 133: Brewers at Pirates

Gallardo vs. Cole tonight at seven. Prepare to untuck.

Game 132: Brewers at Pirates

Gorzelanny and Morton tonight at seven. Byrd and Buck arrive, already untucked.

Game 131: Brewers at Pirates

These days off ... are not good for my liver.

Looks like it's 5-5 in the seventh. Beer Fort is in Pittsburgh, on the river.

Game 130: Pirates at Giants

Our old friend Ryan "White Flag" Vogelsong takes on A.J. "STFD" Burnett, just underway. Lambo silently waiting to kill and breathing through a reed, below the surface of McCovey Cove in right.

Game 129: Pirates at Giants

Liriano and Lincecum a little earlier -- 9pm.

Game 128: Pirates at Giants

You know, the lowly Giants would surely have a better record--and maybe move up a division--if they didn't start their games so late at night.

Morton and Bumgarner, eventually. Hasabata and J Hay are your corner outfielders.

Game 127: Pirates at Giants

West Coast road trip continues with Locke and Cain in the middle of the night.

Game 126: Pirates at Padres

It will be Cole and Kennedy in a twilight singleheader starting in two hours.

Fresh reserves of All Day IPA have arrived.

Game 125: Pirates at Padres

Burnett and Ross in the moonlight. Standing at home plate, Pirates will have Cassiopeia (the "W") above right field.

Beer fort cannons cleaned and stuffed with old Trey Beamon and Angelo Encarnacion files.

Game 124: Pirates at Padres

Cashner and Liriano underway and scoreless after one. Josh Harrison is leading off and starting in RF.

Game 123: Diamondbacks at Pirates

Spent much of last night grinding up old Jose Mesa scorecards, stuffing them into one of the beer fort cannons, and firing them off in the general direction of the river. Beer fort smells like gunpowder but this is more cleansing than burnt sage.

Pirates are second in the league for hitting southpaws. Pedro's not much help here so we'll be looking for Gaby to provide some power.

Miley and Morton soon enough.

Game 122: Diamondbacks at Pirates

Trevor Cahill and Jeff Locke starting soon.

Maybehasabata gets the start in RF while Lambo silently perches in one of LaRoche's old tree stands.

Farnsworth signed

The PBC signs Kyle Farnsworth to help with the September bench-clearing brawls, dog fights, and fan-kicking.

Game 121: Diamondbacks and Pirates

McCarthy and Cole tonight at seven with the playoffs on the line.

Game 120: Pirates at Cardinals

Burnett and Lynn at 1:45pm.

Pirate infield should benefit, defensively, by the daylight. Over/under on first-inning errors behind A.J. adjusted downward to 1/2.

Holliday has painted his segway green and hopes to patrol the outfield on it, inconspicuously.

Game 119: Pirates at Cardinals

Miller and Liriano tonight at 8:15 with the playoffs on the line.

As the rest of the Bucs focus on catching the ball, Lambo will rescue the RISP hostages.

Game 118: Pirates at Cardinals

Wainwright and Morton tonight at 8:15 with the playoffs on the line.

And so began the Andrew Lambo Era.

Lambo on the way

You don't seem to want to accept the fact you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. I don't think you understand. I didn't come to rescue Lambo from you. I came here to rescue you from him.