Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Season recap: marketing

The on-field product was never a priority for the 2006 Bucs. So why should reviewing the players' mostly sorry performances be our priority, especially in another 95 loss year in which Ryan Vogelsong led the team in OPS? Instead the recaps begin with the most important facet of Pirates baseball: the marketing department.

The unveiling of the utterly meaningless "We will" was met with immediate mockery. "We will ... what?," we all asked. We will ... lose 95 games again? embarass ourselves and our fan base again? get lucky in the second half? make money hand over fist? pocket the revenue sharing? inexplicably extend DL's contract? I never would have guessed the answers were "persevere", "entertain", and "have fun", so this goes down as a big whiff for marketing in my book.

Moving on, we have the musician commercials. We were promised a KISS commercial. I never heard or saw one, so I'm provisionally marking this down as a lie. We will NOT lick it up. Despite this whiff, Rowdy and I both thought the John Lee Hooker ad kicked ass.

Moving on (and quickly, before I vomit again), the All-Star Game ballot box stuffing and poetry reading of Brownie were positively nauseating. Some didn't like the punk band.

Most importantly, I blame the marketing department for my personal low point of the season. This came when listening to the KDKA broadcast of a second half game at work with my headphones on. Lanny was plugging Pup Night to outrageous lengths. "For 20 dollars, you and your dog can watch the Pirates battle the Cubs!" In this context, he began summarizing all of the players' dogs and at one point delivered this haymaker to my eardrums: "Jeromy Burnitz has a Maltese named Fluffy. Jose Hernandez has a bulldog named Brad Pitt." Blood immediately began pouring out of all five of my cranial orifices, as I tore off my headphones, rent my garments, clutched my head, and reeled from the sickening pain.

Marketing department grade = F.

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