(Well, not yet. But if he did, maybe it'd sound like this...)
Ladies and gentleman, people of Pittsburgh, and Pirates fans around the world. I'd like to humbly apologize for my jackassery over the past several days.
Firstly, my asinine decision to bench our team leader in OPS, HRs, and RBIs in favor of Jose Hernandez at 1B vs. a RHP was very intriguing, as Jose Hernandez has a .150/.209/225 line this year and a .219/.290/.296 line vs. RHP the last three years. Furthermore, Dejan has brought it to my attention that Craig actually has a .996 fielding percentage at 1B this year, while Jose doesn't naturally play 1B, thus undermining my statement that this move was done to "upgrade defensively".
Secondly, upon further reflection I've realized that the torrent of horseshit that flowed out of my mouth yesterday made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Very perplexing. Some think that our Best Hitter should hit 3rd, guaranteeing that he gets more plate appearances. Instead, my attempt to insert Burnitz's methodical beatdown .584 OPS in the five-hole in front of Bay requires explanation. As I've said before, "Effort is not an option", "You get 27 outs and every single one of them is precious. The point is to maximize the efficiency of each and every out." and "Do I advocate that you go up to the plate looking to walk? No." Jeromy epitomizes all of these maxims. Whether it's effortlessly trotting out a groundout with the game on the line, efficiently making the maximal number of precious outs, or never looking to walk, Jeromy has brought home the bacon.
So what can I say in my defense? The evil Mr. Nutting has implanted an explosive charge in my head. Continuous losing ensures minimal Net Local Revenue, which ensures maximal revenue sharing.
Anyway, I'm sorry, you plethora of disconsolate Pirates fans.
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