Sunday, November 21, 2004

Steelers at Bengals, now with dancing

In the recap that appeared online right after the game, these were the last two paragraphs:

The heave to Johnson gave the chatty receiver a chance to make good on his promise of a new touchdown celebration. He stretched high above Deshea Townsend to make the catch, landed on the cornerback's back and rolled into the end zone, then popped up and did a jig that involved punching like a fighter.

[Kelley] Washington got to do his little touchdown dance – a squirm-and-shake called The Squirrel – after catching a 19-yard pass from Palmer, who finished 13-of-25 for 165 yards with three sacks.

Dance coverage! I love it.

But in the revised recap, the AP story reads like this:

Afterward, coach Marvin Lewis uncharacteristically screamed at his team in the locker room.

"This is the angriest I've been," said Lewis, who always tries to accentuate the positive. "We're not going to accept mediocrity. If we accept getting close, if we accept leading in the first half, we're not going to get any better. We're not going to accept that."

With Pittsburgh out of sync in the first half, the Bengals did a little dancing.

Chad Johnson made good on his promise of a new touchdown celebration, an end-zone boogie after his acrobatic 36-yard catch. Kelley Washington also swayed and squirmed in the end zone after his 19-yard touchdown put Cincinnati up 14-10.

In no time, the dancing ended and Lewis' screaming began.

"Everybody feels like that," said Palmer, who was 13-of-25 for 165 yards. "Everybody's frustrated. It makes everybody feel the way Marvin feels. Everybody knows he's right."

Not a kinder, gentler rewrite.

I may be alone with this opinion, but I'd like to see even more expanded coverage of the dancing players do on the field. Think about it. Would you rather read the revised version, with the light details of Johnson's "end-zone boogie," or the earlier revision, with the fuller details reporting how Johnson "popped up and did a jig that involved punching like a fighter." Also note that while a "jig" is in fact a dance, a "boogie" is not really a dance but a kind of music conducive for dancing. To really do an end-zone boogie, the receiver would have to squat and feign like he's playing the piano, Will Bradley-style.

Every generation has to take what they inherit from their grandparents and make it their own. The flying wedge; the forward pass; crash helmets and body armor; obviously the time has come to replace for the rising generation to re-make football. Why not replace the extra point with a dancing event? If the fans demand it, we can make it happen. A scoring player can spike the ball or slam-dunk it over the goal post for an easy one. By attempting more riskier, difficult, and potentially embarrassing moves, the scoring player should be able to earn (or give back) three additional points. The refs can use instant replay if necessary. What better way to bring the game of football into the twenty-first century?

I wouldn't be able to joke about all this if the Steelers lost, so here's to winning and getting other coaches all out of character. All hail the Steelers! With nine wins, I think we can start thinking about the playoffs without making the usual Jim Mora jokes.

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