How can I get one of these high-paying jobs to speechify like a complete moron?
In Pittsburgh, Steelers fans will suffer through lousy seasons at Heinz Field yet never confront the unforgiving truth that some teams spend tens of millions more on talent every year. Next door, in PNC Park, Pirates fans wallow in despair. They don't count the days until pitchers and catchers report. They count the days until the next pitcher or catcher has to be dealt to keep the budget from exceeding Alex Rodriguez's per diem.
Wallow in despair? The only dignified response to that is an unprintable string of expletives and insults. We're not a bunch of pigs. We don't go to PNC Park to "wallow." Unlike Kevin McClatchy - who O'Connor traps in shameless whining - at least this Pirate fan relishes the underdog role. Money can't buy everything; only crass materialists cling to this belief. As for not counting the days, O'Connor has no idea what he's talking about. The big-time pros should do their research before they fart out such inaccurate hyperbole for a national-circulation paper.
... oh, nevermind. Maybe he did his research. Maybe he read Ron Cook.
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